LES ENFANTS

"Natalie! Natalie! Hurry, get inside!" Those are the words I visibly remember screaming to my 5 year old sister, as the long black nose of an automatic machine gun rose through the passenger window of a ruby red Porsche, cutting off and propelling its bullets through the windshield of a silver Mercedes Benz directly in front of my house.

At 7 years old, the bubble of innocence I lived in had its first layer striped away that day; that was when I came to realize the world I lived in wasn't so perfect.

It's funny how I can still recall the distinct rubbery smell that emanated from our yellow Slip n Slide we were playing on that day, and the way the water shot out from tiny little holes, tickling against my finger tips. Untainted innocence.

Those were the days before cell phones. My mom had no idea what had just occurred when she rolled up to a house of police cars and medics, and a still vehicle in front of our house with a windshield blown to bits. When she saw all of the commotion, she was in a panic. Now that I am a mother, I can only imagine the horrific thoughts flooding her mind in those initial moments.

Visible through my bedroom window was the drug dealer's home which brought the police to raid on many occasions. The sound of gun shots never woke me up on my own. "Jenny, come on baby, you have to get up. You have to come sleep in our room," my mom would say as she and my dad picked up Natalie and I to sleep on their bedroom floor.

These events triggered reoccurring nightmares of people chasing my family and me, trying to kill us, and me, always trying helplessly to save one of them.

When I think back now on that particular mid-summer's day, I recognize the significant altering effect it must have had on me as a child. It answers the beckoning question, "Why the dark cognition in my photographs?" I now believe the beginning lies within that day. Grateful for all of the good, bad, and many bizarre things I have encountered through my life, it has gifted me with a vision all of my own.

Today, I find beauty in what is rare, pure and flawed. "Les Enfants", based on my three children, allows me to bring my experiences to the forefront. While being a voyeur into their lives, I also feel as though I am conducting some sort of science project. I am picking specific moments to capture that resonate with my thoughts. The thoughts of innocence being lost, my fears, fleeting moments never to be captured again, and what I may see in them that is yet to come.

~Jennifer Kaczmarek

www.jenniferkaczmarek.com